A BLACK FATHER DISCUSSES THE AQUISITION OF AGENCY
FOR HIMSELF AND HIS CHILDREN
“Hey Black Child,
Do you know who you are?
Who you really are?
Do you know you can be what you want to be?
If you try to be what you can be.
…Hey Black Child,
Be what you can be
Learn what you must learn
Do what you can do
And tomorrow your nation will be what you want it to be?”
-Eugene Perkins-
Within this article, agency is used in reference to people having a sense of as well as the ability to make significant choices and take related actions regarding key aspects of their lives. As used herein, the lack of agency includes a sense of helplessness; a feeling of being a victim of circumstances; and a general inability to influence your life circumstances and, in turn, related choices you might make. Given the agency he personally exudes as well as the agency he helped develop on the parts of his children, the following are the results of an interview with Anthony W. Echols.
Echols is an accomplished professional with extensive experience in the automotive industry, particularly in the areas of aftersales strategy and business development. Currently, he serves as a Senior Government Contracts Manager at General Motors managing a portfolio of contracts with national and local government organizations. Prior to this role, he was the Manager of Ultium Battery Aftersales Strategy where he was instrumental in developing and implementing strategies for the distribution and remanufacturing of Ultium Batteries. His expertise extends to strategic evaluations, business development, financial analysis, and employee development. His contributions have been recognized through various awards and accolades.
Born in Detroit, Michigan, Echols graduated from Renaissance High (1987). He matriculated to the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor earning a Bachelor of Business Administration (1991). He also holds a Juris Doctor (1996) and a Master of Business Administration (1996), both also from the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor.
JLD: During your formative years, what contributed to your sense of agency and how did it do so?
AWE: There were three things that were core to building my sense of agency.
First: Responsibility.
My parents instilled in me a deep sense of responsibility from an early age. Whether it was school, work, or chores, the expectations were always clear and reasonable. I never struggled with this—they made it simple: know what needs to be done, and do it. By high school, I had developed such a strong rhythm that Saturdays were practically second nature. I’d wake up early, knock out my “baseline” chores—washing cars, mowing my grandmother’s lawn, and other tasks—and then ask my father what else he wanted me to do. I understood that the key to enjoying my day was earning it. I never wanted to hear, “Not yet,” when I asked to go play ball. If I handled my responsibilities, the rest of the day was mine.
Second: Money.
I always lived on a “fixed budget.” That didn’t mean I was broke—it just meant I had boundaries, and I learned to respect them. My parents gave me an allowance early on, and with it came an itemized breakdown: money for lunch, church, savings, and fun. Over time, my father stepped back from providing the details, and budgeting became my responsibility. As I got older, I knew the only way to add to my money was through summer jobs. As all of this sharpened my financial habits, at the end of the day my “money game” was tight. One can’t have true agency without having some level of financial responsibility. And one can’t be a “full-blown” adult without having total financial responsibility.
Third: Independence.
I wanted to be my own man. Living under my father was not something that I wanted to do forever. I wanted to get out of the house as soon as possible! To be clear, my father is a GREAT father. He provided for me, treated me fairly, and taught me to be the man I am today but if you lived under his home (or financial support) you were largely subject to his rules. This is totally fair and I had no issues with it but it doesn’t mean I didn’t look forward to the day I was free. My graduation marked my personal liberation plan: get a job, buy a car, and move out. It wasn’t just about claiming my freedom—it was about stepping into adulthood. Our parents pour so much into us, and I believe it’s a child’s duty to make good on that investment. Even if someone doesn’t hit every milestone, they should strive to support themselves without relying on their parents indefinitely. For me, the goal was simple: by the time I graduated college, I would be my own man. And I’m proud to say, I made that goal a reality.
JLD: What you said made a lot of sense. How did you, in turn, contribute to your children acquiring agency?
AWE: My approach has always been to provide a strong foundation and meaningful opportunities—and then, at the right time, depending on their age and maturity, allow my daughters to make their own decisions.
Foundation means giving them what they need to grow: a loving home, a solid education, a nurturing environment, budgeting tools, and a model of a healthy relationship.
Opportunities came in the form of extracurriculars and enrichment—whether it was music (like the clarinet or viola) or sports (such as soccer, track, or basketball). A clear example involved my one daughter and the clarinet. In this scenario, the foundation started with my wife and I sending her to a school that introduced her to musical instruments. Once she expressed real interest in continuing past the exposure phase, we stepped in to support her journey. My wife and I paid for private lessons, upgraded her hand-me-down clarinet, and encouraged her involvement in performances and competitions. The decision was hers though —she had to commit to practicing, and we made it clear that our support would depend on that commitment. She practiced and we supported her fully. Later, she made another decision: to step away from the clarinet when high school band commitments would have compromised her ability to explore other electives. These choices—both the pursuit and the pivot—were entirely hers.
Throughout both our daughters’ childhoods, this push and pull—the yin and yang of foundation versus autonomy—played out repeatedly. While we encouraged agency, there were, of course, non-negotiables: maintaining good grades, helping around the house, and meeting basic responsibilities.
Another thing I did when they were young was to mirror the lesson my father taught me about financial management by introducing them to budgeting. I gave them allowances tied to simple budgets: specific allocations for spending, saving, and fun. To be honest, I did have concerns that the lesson was sometimes diluted when their maternal grandfather swept in with large cash gifts, but then, what grandparent doesn’t want to dote on their grandchildren? Still, the experience wasn’t lost on them as both daughters demonstrated strong budgeting skills and financial choices starting in their teens and then in college and beyond.
One of the most effective examples was their clothes budget. This was a tweak from my childhood experience where clothes were a need met simply by heading to the store with my father. At some point when the girls were in their teens, we gave them a set dollar amount each year specifically for clothing. Alongside it, I provided a skeletal budget framework that outlined broad categories—from underwear to shoes—and accounted for both summer and winter wardrobes. As I said, this was a “skeleton” budget and so I provided the initial categories but the girls had to take the framework build on it, and decide how to allocate their money. Of course, they often supplemented the budget with birthday or holiday money, but the clothing allowance remained fixed. The goal was for them to experience financial autonomy but also experience the boundaries that typically come with such autonomy. Although I knew this was a valuable exercise, I didn’t realize how valuable until my wife shared a story a few days ago. She remembered that one of the girls was working through their budget and decided that, although they really wanted UGG boots, the $100+ price tag was not worth the cost given her budget. To me there is no better learning experience than that.
Both girls’ demonstrations of strong “financial intelligence” really became clear to me when they were in college. I vividly remember one evaluating finances while choosing where to live in undergrad, choosing a grad school, and later budgeting for housing during grad school. She also chose to pursue various jobs when she wanted to make a few more dollars, sometimes having multiple jobs at the same time.
Similarly, I also recall the other carefully watching her during and after college. While on the track team she would “strategically” use her track per diem to partially supplement other expenses. She also carefully thought through the financial considerations when she decided to move to Detroit for her post-college role as a teacher’s assistant. And like her sister, she also employed the strategy of pursing odd jobs to supplement any money we or her “main” job might provide. She earned extra money tutoring in college, and more recently, she was a grader for a standardized State test that was recently administered in her school district. I actually think I hit a home run in this area as I cannot think of any time they have had financial trouble. Furthermore, they have done so well at this they have been able to travel to places like Vietnam, Mexico City, Japan, Philippines, Montreal, Peru, all without any support from their parents. That is outstanding.
Transitioning to Adulthood.
I touched on their college experience a bit from a financial perspective but I want to circle back and make another point. By the time they got to college, the groundwork had been laid and it was time for me to step back. While my wife and I still had the primary responsibility for their finances (e.g. paying for college and study abroad trips), my role shifted as I largely saw them as adults. They still were responsible to us to not mismanage their money, since most of it still came from us, but I gave them full autonomy over non-financial decisions. Then, upon graduation they were fully on their own. I made this expectation clear to them well before they graduated so that they weren’t surprised and were able to plan accordingly. So, whether it was getting a job, where to live or whether to go to grad school, this was a decision for them to make as well as the financial responsibility that went with it. At the time that they graduated it was clear to me that they had gotten the message. Their respective decisions, one to go to grad school and the other to work for City Year as a teacher’s assistant, were all their own with little input from their parents. And equally as important, their execution plan was also their own.
On a related point, one thing I’ve consciously avoided is meddling. I don’t believe parents should “insert” themselves into their adult children’s lives. I will help if they ask or I might offer a suggestion or two but I do not try to steer the boat. When one planned to move to Detroit or Boston for work and grad school, I stayed out of the decision-making process. My wife helped during the physical move and co-signed the lease, but my daughter chose her city, negotiated her rental agreement, and managed every detail independently. I have always appreciated how my parents have never tried to steer my life after I finished college and I hope that my girls, now “ladies,” afford me the same appreciation.
Other Contributors.
I was fortunate to be raised by a woman with a powerful sense of agency—my mother. Though our household followed a traditional structure with my father as the head, my mother always carried a strong sense of self. She held a master’s degree, identified as a tomboy who loved sports, and even played basketball with me during my childhood. Her life extended well beyond the home: she was active in church and community affairs and pursued a long, fulfilling career. Much to my father’s dismay, she chose to work well past the point of financial comfort, reluctant to retire simply because she loved what she did. Even now, at 79, she continues to engage in activities that bring her joy and purpose. Additionally, my two closest aunts mirrored this same spirit. Both were highly educated, built careers, and lived independently for much of their lives.
The reason I share this is that my witnessing how these women lived their lives so full of agency showed me the type of freedom and confidence that I wanted for my daughters. What’s even more meaningful is that these women are still present in my daughters’ lives today. My daughters have had the privilege of seeing this agency firsthand, not just through stories but through lived experience.
In addition, four other remarkable women—my wife, my sister, my mother-in-law, and my sister-in-law—are also well-educated and possess strong agency. Their presence and examples have undoubtedly contributed to the development of that same strength and independence in my daughters. I would be remiss not to acknowledge the profound impact these women have had. Their lives have been living blueprints of agency, and their influence continues to shape the next generation.
One last point—and it’s important.
I’ve never treated my daughters as “girls” in the limiting societal sense. I didn’t want to contribute to the kind of socialization that says boys should be raised one way and girls another. While the world might not always offer equal footing, I’ve made sure that my parenting didn’t add to that imbalance. And I like to think this intentional approach helped strengthen their agency and confidence.
JLD: I thank you for being willing to share the foregoing information. As you know well, the acquisition of agency is critically important for all children and, given the nature of American society., it takes on added significance for Black children.
Jack L. Daniel
Co-founder, Freed Panther Society
Contributor, Pittsburgh Urban Media
Author, Negotiating a Historically White University While Black
August 12, 2025